In your quest to marry a Russian woman (or any foreign woman for that matter), you and your bride will each have to deal with many bureaucrats both in America as well as in your bride’s home country. Your dealings with these people will involve, for both of you, personal meetings as well as filling out many forms, and waiting, waiting, waiting. I offer 4 suggestions to help you with this process.
First, be patient. It’s a simple fact of life that these processes take time. Sure, everything is all computerized and should happen instantly. But all of the processes you are involved with start with paper which takes time to process as well as time to transfer from one office to another.
And too, the bureaucrat offices are typically understaffed when compared to the amount of work that needs to be done. So each person who deals with your case has a mountain of other cases to deal with in addition to yours. Your case is “special” (as is every other case) and you want it dealt with not just quickly but accurately as well. Unfortunately, with the amount of detail involved in a case, “accurately” and “quickly” are not compatible and “accurately” is the most important by far. So be patient.
Second, keep a sense of humor. During processing, you may be asked for additional information, or you may be subjected to a delay for some unknown (to you) reason. Alla and I made a game of the whole process so that when something unexpected happened, we just discussed it laughingly with each other as “dancing to the bureaucrat’s music”. So remember, during this whole process, it’s “their” song. “They” write the music and call the tempo. Don’t get caught up in feelings of frustration. Pick up the beat and dance.
Third, be compassionate. The people you’re dealing with are over-worked and under-paid. Each is genuinely trying to do a good job for the people who’s case they process as well as for the government they represent. Sure you’ll come across some who try to “importanize” their role. I believe this is a natural human response to the kind of work they do. But truthfully, I cannot recall one situation where Alla and I had to deal with a “jerk”. Quite the opposite actually. The people we dealt with tried to be as helpful as possible within the constraints imposed upon them by the rules and regulations it was their job to enforce. So in dealing with bureaucrats, put yourself in the other guy’s shoes and try to understand that they are just people trying to do a tough job.
Fourth, be neat and accurate. I can’t stress this enough. You must be meticulously accurate with all the papers you fill out. Double check your double checking. And be neat too. If your papers are sloppy or inaccurate, you’ll be creating problems for everybody, the bureaucrats as well as yourselves.
If you take these 4 points to heart and follow them, your trip down the papers path will be much smoother than if you try to “fight the system”.
Until next time, may your dance be light and fruitful.
Gary
