Hello from Gary and Alla;
Sometimes when I start a post, even though I have a clear vision of what I want to say, the post will “run away” from me. This is one such post. I Started with a crystal clear vision of what I wanted to write and as I developed my topic, It’s implications ballooned and I found myself with pages upon pages of notes about things that must be written in conjunction with the primary idea.
So first I’m going to write about my initial topic and then follow that topic with a “thumbnail” of its implications.
The initial topic is about a Russian custom that you would do well to remember if you get involved with Russian women. In fact, this is a custom we would do well to integrate into America ways of doing things.
It has to do with showing respect to women at social events.
In Russian culture, at any social event where toasts are offered to honored guests, it is proper and in fact expected that a toast is FIRST offered to ALL of the women in attendance. And notice that I specifically used the word “offered” and not the word “proposed.” In other words, you “offer” a toast as in give, rather than “propose” a toast as in suggest.
After this toast to the women, then the toast to the honored guest is made.
Here’s an example from my/our own experience of how to properly invoke this very special Russian custom:
It’s customary at wedding receptions for the husband to make a toast to his bride. At mine and Alla’s reception, when it came the customary time to toast my bride, I arranged for all glasses to be filled and then stood up and did the “clang clang” on the glass thing to get everyone’s attention.
Then I instructed all men to stand up and observe the women around them. Then since most of the people at our reception were Americans, I explained this Russian custom to them. As I did so, I noticed the few Russians in our crowd nodding their heads in approval.
Then I told the men to raise their glasses; and I spoke “To all of the women here, we men toast our thanks to you; for without the love, beauty, purpose and support you bring into our lives, we could not be men.” Then we drank to the women, after which I toasted my bride.
Some implications of this custom are:
This is a beautiful custom and you can’t go wrong in using it at any social occasion. You can use my words or conjure up your own. But it’s a certainty that your invoking this custom will be appreciated whether your audience is Russian or not.
Now I know for a fact that there is a different custom related to this in Asian culture. And it’s likely there is yet a different custom for Latin cultures.
Your job as a husband of a foreign bride is to learn the appropriate customs and try to adapt to them, even as you expect your foreign bride to adapt to life in your country. By your learning and accepting things of her culture, you will help her to adjust to life in your country.
This whole thing of inter-cultural marriage is about a growth process for everyone involved be they husband, wife, family, friends, whoever. She’s your wife, it’s your marriage, adapt and lead.
You will not like all things your foreign bride brings into your life as customs from her homeland. On the other hand, some of those customs you’ll find to be “really cool.” Be open to them. Ask about them. Say “honey, how do they do this in your country?” Your asking sets her at ease to express her questions and concerns - it’s a communication “thing”, very important!!
Inter-cultural marriage is NOT just about having a beautiful, exotic woman in your life, though in truth, that’s certainly exciting. But marriage must also be fulfilling, for both husband and wife. Part of that fulfillment comes from adapting to each other’s unique ways.
It can definitely be challenging.
Are you up to the challenge of an inter-cultural marriage?
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Alla and I offer our readers a Toast Of Thanks for your continued readership and support. May you each achieve success in your life to the highest point of your dreams.
Gary and Alla.
